Motivation (or Why I Need to Shut My Mouth)

I stepped on the scales this morning, and to my horror, saw numbers I had never seen before between my toes. And while ever tightening waistbands and unzippable zippers have subtly suggested my love handles were becoming too much to handle, I was unprepared to see in very real numeric proof the score of pounds at the root of the problem. This "heav-alation" presented a problem that must be tackled (before it makes it to the buffet line), and so I've drafted a few action steps:

* Find exercise options that don't sound repulsive
* Always (always, always) take the stairs - this includes at the 9th-floor Atlanta office
* Tell yourself that chocolate contains carcinogens
* Consider buying one of those elastic expanders that pregnant women wear on their "normal pants"
* Start a love affair with green leafy vegetables
* Sweat more from being active than, well, from just living in the South
* Get quotes for liposuction (Discard this idea because I can't be magically skinny AND have money for a house.)
* Walk to work - this includes the 9th floor Atlanta office
* Bring mumus back in style
* Buy stock in Spanx
* Go ahead and replace Facebook profile picture with the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

In Memory of Johnny Castle

July 3, 1988*

Dear Diary,
July is a good month. I think Patrick Swayze is cute. I love the movie Dirty Dancing. Jennifer Gray is good for the part. I want to be in a movie with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray. I want there to be a Dirty Dancing II. Adios.

Love,
Ashley

***

July 4, 1988

Dear Diary,
Today is July 4th! We had a big meal and firecrackers. I have a dream of being in a movie with Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray. I still have flash backs of the movie. It's 11:15. Gotta go!

Love,
Ashley

P.S. My birthday is in 2 days!

*Genuine journal entries from the mind of me, age 8-going-on-9

An Uncomedy of Errors

* Woke up late (nothing new)
* Eyeshadow looks rather 80s this morning. Oh well.
* Yesterdays' shoes hurt; plan to wear comfortable shoes today
* Comfortable shoes look wretched
* Consider changing clothes; opt for pointy-toed heels
* No time to make lunch
* Coffeemaker auto shut-off; last cup lukewarm
* Walking out the door. It's cloudy. Remember umbrella is in bag upstairs. Impossible to "run" upstairs in pointy-toed heels.
* Get in the car. Remember keys are on chest by the door.
* Gas gauge? Less than 1/4 tank and a drive to Atlanta this afternoon ahead.
* On Prince Ave, in the right lane behind a gigantic truck easing along at roughly 5 mph
* Switch to left lane. Two cars ahead, a left blinker winks. Traffic sails by on the right.
* Arrive at office, nearly 45 minutes late. Park badly.
* Nearly mowed down by a frat boy in a Jeep plowing down Meigs Street
* In office, decry events of the morning to coworkers
* Realize work laptop is in back seat of car
* Spitting rain; umbrella in office
* Sitting in office - frizzy-haired, cramp-toed, drinking less-than-warm coffee and thinking of bed.